S H O W D O W N : THE COMING WARS AMONG INTELLIGENCE SERVICES

Fictionalized and Classified.

Ruf ceccond drapht.

To V.

Thanks to you I’ve made peace with my days
Because of you I’ve forgiven Time
You helped me get over my pain
And I’ve forgotten, thanks to you, you only, my deepest sadness.

Um Kalthoum. “Inta 3Omri.” (My translation from Arabic.)


SaudiPolitics has been able to listen in on a conference call between Muqran bin Abdul Aziz and Omar Suleiman, the heads of the intelligence services of Saudi Arabia and Egypt, respectively. Here’s what SPC has recorded:


The Brother Muqran : Good morning Brother Omar. How’s the family and the children?

The Brother Omar: They’re all good, thank to your kind largesse, Brother Muqran. Hope the wife is pregnant.

The Brother Muqran: Two are, thanks to God, from Him Mercy and Generosity. What are you up to?

Omar : Trying to make sense of what the brothers the Americans are up to.

Muqran: Join the club, brother Omar.

Omar: You and they have sent us this killer of Sunnis, Samir Guaguaa [Geagea, really, but the brothers the Eguyptians prefer to convert the “j” and “g” to “gu”] on the payroll of the brothers the Americans to prep him –

Muqran: He’s on our payroll too, through our son Sheikh Saad al Hariri. We just can’t host him in the Land of the Islamic Holy Sites.

Omar: Because he and his Israel-sponsored Lebanese Forces had killed way too many Muslims?

Muqran: Sunnis! Black Saturday -- mass murder of Sunnis -- these guys put innocent Sunnis against walls and shot them, and made Sunnis jump off the tall building of the electrical power company in Beirut. Then you had Sabra and Shatila, a massacre which came after the brothers the Syrians had murdered the leader of the Lebanese Forces then, the asset of the brothers the Americans, Bashir Gemayyel. This massacre of innocent Sunni Palestinians and some Sunni Lebanese was perpetrated under the supervision of our cousins the Jews whose army officers were laughing it out with Elie Hobeika, the leader then of the Lebanese Forces’ troops, while these troops were committing mass murder.

[Editor’s Note: Recently King Abdallah of Saudi Arabia made the point that the Kingdom didn’t distinguish among Arabs. While some would beg to disagree -– what with the Sunni-Shia thing -- I’ve always reminded the right wing Lebanese Christians, including those of the Lebanese Forces who tend to be quite anti-Muslim, that even at the height of the Lebanese civil war, even after Bashir Gemayyel and his men had committed cold-blooded mass murder against innocent Beirut Sunnis -- there hadn't been a single backlash in the Kingdom nor in the rest of the Arab World against Arab Lebanese Christians. The Kingdom and its people and its rulers acted with the magnanimity expected in Arab culture. Kudos to them and to the 300 million (mostly Sunni) Arabs.]

Omar: So you unload him on us!

Muqran: The brothers the Americans did. Enjoy. Our brothers the Americans and my brother Bandar -–they’re one and the same you know, since the brother Bandar is brother Bush’s brother and likely an asset of brother Hayden or brother Hayden is an asset of his, it’s unclear -- think Geagea and his Lebanese Forces can be useful in the coming war among intelligence services in Lebanon.

Omar: Wouldn’t the brother Gumbolatt [Jumblatt] be more useful? He had been on your payroll; what happened to that?

Muqran: Still is, and he has a Druze following inside Syria the sibling. At least he says he does. But he really doesn’t have that many Druze left in Lebanon the sibling. The brother Druze had limited their reproducing starting a long time ago, some time in the early 19th century. But the Shia Persians and the brothers the Syrian Shia Alawites [he means Hezbollah] came close to finishing him this past May. They didn’t because they didn’t want to create a Druze martyr out of him.

Omar: So he still is in a state of shock?

Muqran: You bet.

Omar: We’re taking a big load off of you and Switzerland, wink, brother Muqran. Because our Persian Shia -funded Muslim Brothers don’t like it a bit– that we’re hosting in Eguypt a slaughterer of Sunnis.

Muqran: Tell them you’re working to convert him, brother Omar.

Ha, ha, ha.

Omar: Truth be told, he’s one of you, brother Muqran. His television station LBC built your al-Arabiya which now is one of your better propaganda tools. So he must’ve made a couple of hundred million dollars from you.

Muqran: So he did. We looked around and didn’t see any successful sisterly Egyptian satellite television station to do the job. We had to rush through al-Arabiya to answer al-Jazeera and now to damn the Persians and Syria the Sibling and its Shia Alawites.

Omar: How can we compete with the LBC, brother Muqran, if the Muslim Brothers don’t let us show legs, ass and breasts? Those f-----ing Lebanese Christian brothers are shameless. LBC is successful because it’s pornographic.

Muqran: Our Ulamas, may God bless them so they’ll continue to do His Work on Earth, agree with you. They know the LBC is pornographic and a couple amongst them have issued fatwas to have owners of pornographic stations assassinated. One more reason why we couldn’t host Geagea. I personally favor the LBC. How do you think the wives became pregnant, may God have His Will?

Ha, ha, ha.

Omar: How about that Traitor Brother Aoun. Visiting Tehran! The audacity...

Muqran: He’s looking for money. We, through our son Sheikh Saad al-Hariri, and the brothers the Americans, have been pumping money into the Lebanese Forces and brother Amin Gemayyel – the two brother Lebanese Nusarah [Christians]. Using this money, these have been able to place so many young men on the payroll. That threatens the brother traitor Aoun’s popularity. We’d be glad to fund the brother traitor Aoun if he’d side with our son Sheikh Saad al-Hariri. But he sees the office of the Sunni Prime Minister (which we have given to the Hariris) as a threat to the office of the Maronite President. So now we and the brothers the Americans are trying to split his camp and weaken him by flooding Geagea and Gemayyel with money, of which we have so much, Praise be to God the Generous. So Aoun likely is telling the Iranians that the money they’ve been sending him via Hezbollah and Syria isn’t enough. Not to mention that the last two likely get a cut. He and the Iranians want to do away with that cut and with intermediaries.

Omar: Can the Persian Shias cough up as much money as you and the brothers the Americans?

Muqran: Lebanon the sibling is small. There’s so much money we ant they can pump in. The Persians can afford it. Lebanon the sibling is an integral part of the Persians’ strategy in the region.

Omar: What about our boss the brother Hayden? What’s he doing in the region?

Muqran: The brother the director of the Central Intelligence Agency the sibling [agency] is heading/is/has been to Beirut. Syria’s Asad says that the Sunni fundamentalists in northern Lebanon are a threat to Syria the sibling. U.S. commanders in the Iraq the sibling, which they manage, continue to level accusations against Syria the sibling that it is flooding Iraq the sibling with foreign fighters. Syria the sibling accuses a “neighboring Arab country” (they mean Iraq the sibling; in other words the American ancillary state in the dismembered country) of providing the explosive material for the recent suicide bombing in Damascus the sibling city.

Omar: What’s going on?

Muqran: A war among us all intelligence services. You’re so preoccupied with Gaza and the Persians’ people there and the cousins that you’re not seeing the rest. We and the brothers the Americans are facing off with the Iranians and the brothers the Syrians in Lebanon the sibling. We were able to penetrate the Syrians’ shield when, working with the brothers the Americans’ ancillary state – – a state independent of the brother Maliki government, chock full of former brother Baathists, and being trained by our brothers the Jordanians which we hope one day, God willing, will be able to rule Iraq and snatch it away from the Persians – – were able to explode a suicide bomb in Syria the sibling. We provided the suicide bomber from Lebanon the sibling via our financing of al-Qaeda in Tripoli the sibling, and the brothers the Americans provided the explosives via the ancillary Iraqi state they run.

Omar: But I thought al-Qaeda was –

Muqran: Each intelligence service now finances one al-Qaeda or the other. The sister Syria has its own to use inside Iraq and inside Lebanon the sibling (when Lebanon the sibling had been ruled by our son Saad [al-Hariri];) Iran has its branch; our brothers the Americans have theirs through the ancillary Iraqi state they run; we have ours inside Iraq and another inside Lebanon.

Omar: Should we have one?

Muqran: Do you have the money?

Omar: It’s your money and that of the brothers the Americans.

Muqran: Then use ours! Why replicate the effort, brother Omar?

Omar: So what’s the brother Hayden up to?

Muqran: They haven’t told us the brothers the Americans.

Omar: Don’t pull my leg, brother Muqran. The brothers the Americans, I mean oily Cheney and oily Bush, are on your payroll and they tell you everything. You'd be funding their future careers and that of their children, forcing them and their progeny onto corporations with interest in the kingdom.

Muqran: Brother Omar: I’m serious. They only deal with the brother Bandar, not with us.

Omar: And brother Bandar hasn’t told you?

Muqran: I’m not certain he knows. He doesn’t talk to me, anyway. He thinks I’m competing with him to be the next Crown Prince. Which, with the health of our current Crown Prince, may God Preserve Him and Guide Him, would mean I’d be King. And he wants to be King. And time is running out for him because the brother Bush should soon become yet less significant. And many of the princes on the Allegiance Council blame brother Bandar and his American assets -- brother Bush and brother Cheney –- for the defeat that has been dealt the Kingdom (against Iran) when the brothers the Americans invaded Iraq.

To answer your question: likely Hayden is in Beirut to rearrange house for his intelligence service; but more importantly his visit is a message to the brothers the Syrians , the Shia Persians, and their proxies not to dare push the brothers the Americans out of Lebanon altogether. You see after Georgia, the brothers the Americans now are concerned that the cat is out of the bag – that the brothers the Russians will be more daring and supportive of their allies in retaliation for Georgia. The brothers the Russians are on a roll in the Caspian basin. They’re routing the brothers the Americans there. And the brother Hayden likely fears that they’d rout the brothers the Americans and us out of Lebanon the sibling. Possibly, too, he could be laying the groundwork for a contingency plan to move the CIA out of Beirut should things heat up with Iran. The brothers the Americans have lost a lot of CIA agents in Beirut in the 1980s. They’re not about repeating the same mistake. If things heat up in Iraq, Iran will include Lebanon the sibling in its retaliation plans.

Omar: You don’t say!

Muqran: That’s the analysis I glean from that good-for-nothing the brother Sheikh al-Khater in Washington, D.C.

Omar: That son-of-a bitch! Couldn’t you rely on LaRouche’s people instead, as we all do? Wouldn’t it be more honorable than relying on an Arab brother who's busy exposing our dirty linen?

Muqran: Can’t stand these LaRouche people. Likely they’re infiltrated, anyway. And they never bathe!

Ha, ha, ha.

Omar: They don’t bathe. That’s so true. Brother Muqran, you’re crazy!

Muqran; Look who’s talking!

Ha, ha, ha.

Omar: So are we gonna have our ass kicked inside Iraq?

Muqran: Yes. Still, get your men ready. We’re boning up for a huge war among intelligence services there.

Omar: Who are we facing off with?

Muqran: We’ll be working with the Iraqi ancillary state which our brothers the Americans and the brothers the Jordanians have created and coordinating with our brothers the Jordanians, the Kuwaitis, the Bahrainis–to face off with our brothers the Syrians and those Shias.

Omar: Do we stand a chance, brother Muqran?

Muqran: Absolutely not. But that’s what our sophomoric brother Bush and sophomoric sister Rice want us to do.

Omar: And we do it?

Muqran: It bewilders me brother Omar how sophomoric these brothers the Americans are. For the most inportant country in the world -- to be run by Israel-centric sophomores! From the beginning of this Iraq thing –- the very idea of invading was sophomoric, an idea championed by a bunch of wishful-thinking-Israel-in-my-heart--right-wing Jews. And the most powerful country on earth adopts this Israel-and-oil-wishful-thinking mediocrity! Now –

Omar: But you did, too, brother Muqran. The Kingdom the sibling did!

Muqran: Brother Omar, your Swiss nest –

Ha, ha, ha

Muqran: The idiot brother Bandar who has the ear of our King, may God Protect Him and Lead him in the Right and Straight Path, assured us all that it’ll be a breeze and that the Kingdom will have security forever after post-invasion Iraq.

Omar: And you believed him?

Muqran: Frankly, brother Omar, we didn’t have the choice not to believe him. The right wing Jews of Israel’s diaspora had taken over the Pentagon and were threatening to unseat us as a royal family and dismember the Kingdom.

Omar: Water under the bridge, now.

Muqran: What irks me still is that neither the brothers the Americans nor my brother Bandar have reined in their sophomoric and harmful –– to use the brother Sheikh al-Khater’s words –– perspective of things. I recently learned the brother Bush had sent a secret letter, using the brother Abbas as messenger, to the brother Asad the Shia Alawite in which he told him that he’d give him back the Joulan in exchange for Syria splitting from Iran. How sophomoric can one get?

Omar: What’s bad about that – – besides the fact that the son-of-a-bitch Abbas didn’t tell us and told you?

Muqran: the brother Sheikh al-Khater has taught us and his countrymen the harmful idiots that Syria the sibling does go the direction of money. But it does so where money comes in based on need for Syria the sibling, not money based on begging.

Omar: Are you insulting us Eguyptians, brother Muqran?

Muqran: If the shoe fits...

Ha, ha, ha.